Inspired by Grace

             I've been debating starting a blog for quite some time. My dear friend Jessica has inspired me to start this endeavor. You see, she is an amazing woman. One of great strength and faith. On May 18th, 2012 at 12:18 pm, she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Grace Annmarie. However, the Lord called Grace home just 2 hours and 7 minutes after she was born. Jessica knew this would occur long before her daughter was born, because on December 22, 2011, Grace was diagnosed with anencephaly, a fatal birth defect. Despite this diagnoses, Jessica and her husband, Paul, decided to carry Grace full term. Jessica and Paul have amazing faith and trust in our heavenly Father. Both well aware of the "easier" and "less painfully emotional" choice- they decided God had a special plan for them in carrying their daughter. And boy, were they correct. The choice they made, the birth of Grace, and the few hours that Grace lived has influenced more people in their faith than anyone I have ever known. Jessica felt the calling to start a blog to share her journey with others. She speaks of how she has been able to help others who will share the walk she will be on for the rest of her life.It is through her writing that she is able to shine His light into the darkness others may feel who share the same experiences. I haven't been specifically on this same path, I'll discuss more about my pregnancy journey later, but I find great joy in reading Jessica's blog. In fact, it is a daily ritual for me because I have found great comfort in her words. I encourage you to check it out as well (http://blessedbygracemorris.blogspot.com/) It is because of her and a conversation I had with my sister and therapist, that I too have decided to write about my anxiety filled life and how I've learned to find peace among the anxiousness that surrounds me.
        A few months ago, my sister came to babysit my son while my husband and I had to work and my nanny had a conflict. After I came home from work, we went out to run a few errands. On our way home, we had a conversation about anxiety. It is no secret in my family that I suffer from an anxiety disorder. I battled an eating disorder growing up and have always been a "perfectionist" to some degree. However, it surprised me greatly to have my sister share with me some of the feelings she experienced after pregnancy and childbirth. The one example that we were particularly talking about was "the end of the world" that was "supposed" to occur on 12/21/12. I expressed to her how deep the fear was rooted inside me that I would awake in the middle of the night to thunder and be convinced that the world was actually ending. I expressed to her how overwhelming the fear was and how it would almost paralyze me so I couldn't function in any other regard. My sister shared in this same concern. It was so shocking to me, because my sister is a woman who always seems to have everything together. Following this conversation with my sister, my therapist and I discussed how people deal with anxiety. (I'll get to the reason behind the therapy later) She said something that caught my attention.."some people, on the outside, look like they have it all together, but in their minds, their thoughts turn and turn and they are just anxious as anyone else."
        And then I realized.... I am not alone in this world. There are many other woman who share in my anxiety. Yet, there is such a taboo on admitting that your anxious. It's like we cannot admit we are weak. We need to be the amazing wife, the caring mother, the driven career person, the friend who's always on top of everything, and the daughter who holds the family together. So, here I stand. Admitting that I am anxiety ridden from head to toe. Hoping that my experiences, help you find peace amidst your anxiety.  :-)