Carry Me

Panic. It washes over me in an instant. However, there is no outward manifestation of my innermost feelings. My heart beats fast. My mind is turning. To everyone else, I look normal. Happy probably. But on the inside, I feel as though I can't catch my breath. My therapist calls them my "worry thoughts." I call them my "what if"s.

The intercom sounds throughout the school..."Attention staff and students, this is Ms. Jackie..." 
and I think "what if this is a lock down because an intruder is in our building." "what if he's outside my class." "I need to go lock my door." "I need to get my students into the corner of the room." "I need to get my phone..." 

No. I need to calm down. 

So I began my "reality check"

I am in my classroom teaching 6th grade math. The announcement just went on to remind us that there is indoor recess. There is no intruder. Your students are all working on their exit ticket. Breathe. 

And then I pray.  Dear God, Carry me. 

"Carry Me" - Josh Wilson 
 
I try to catch my breath
It hasn't happened yet
I'm wide awake in the middle of the night scared to death
So I prayed God, would You make this stop
Father please hold on to me, You're all I've got
Carry me, carry me, carry me now
From my sinking sand to Your solid ground
The only way I'm ever gonna make it out
Is if You carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now
Jesus calm my heart
Come near me please
Lord don't let these worries get the best of me
Oh I believe, that You're still here with me
Cause You meant what You said when You said You'd never leave
Carry me, carry me, carry me now
From my sinking sand to Your solid ground
The only way I'm ever gonna make it out
Is if You carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now